Thus far in my life, I have not been in a relationship. Not even close. And I don’t mind saying that. When I was younger and people started saying they were ‘dating’ just for the sake of it, kissing around just so they could say they’d done it, and that sort of thing, I never wanted that. I wanted to wait for an actual relationship – and judge me all you want, but I wanted to experience true love. Not the sort of love where you exchange ‘I love yous’ after a month because someone said it so you feel you ought to say it back, but… the stuff of fairytales and all the greatest novels.
I’m not ashamed to say that I still want that. I’m a novelist, I’m an avid reader, I’m a dreamer – so of course I want to find out that this legendary thing, this elusive experience, is really real. All stories start somewhere, and true love is perhaps the most written-about experience in the world.
I’m not going to lie, it seems a bit embarrassing to admit this, especially on a public platform, but it’s just who I am. I’ve always wanted to hold out for that real thing. And I think a lot of creatives must feel this way, regardless of whether they’re willing to admit it or not. But I just think if it’s not real then what’s the point? I have a lot of things I want to do in my life, so wasting time in a relationship that isn’t what I want seems like a tremendously bad idea.
I think sometimes if you say that to people, they feel a bit of a need to sigh and roll their eyes. Just get on with it, they think. You can see it in their eyes. They think you’re being silly. I don’t think so.
I do kind of want to know who else is with me on this front. Who else reads books about the most enviable relationships and wishes they had that for their own. Or who thinks they’ve found it, and they have their true love. Whether people think everyone only gets one real love, or, given enough time, there can be multiples. If you’ve got any thoughts, do let me know down below…
One last thing – the fact this post went up on Valentine’s happened completely by accident. It’s been ready to go for weeks, along with a sister-post coming on Thursday. I completely overlooked the timing. Ah well.