I Don’t Know How to be Bored

This is a real problem, okay – I don’t know how to be bored. I get bored, but I just don’t know how to cope with the feeling. I hate it. I feel like lots of people are content when they don’t have things to do, and somehow they call it “relaxing”, but I can’t think of anything more stress-inducing than that.

Call me weird, but I am not happy unless I have things to do, and goals to achieve, people to see, and places to go. So when it comes to the more accepted methods of “relaxing”, like sitting by the side of a pool, or sunbathing on the beach, or lounging in a spa… I just can’t deal. If I end up in a situation where I’m with other people who want to just sit by the pool, I always bring a notebook to write in, things to finish, something to make sure I feel like it’s not wasted time.

Really, I think that’s probably the root of the problem. The idea of wasting time is horrendous to me. It always has been. I can give you a ridiculous example – when I was small, I never crawled. I skipped that part, and because I spent so long not looking like my legs could move (my parents eventually figured out I bum-shuffled occasionally when they weren’t looking) my parents got my legs checked out several times, convinced there was something wrong with them. Eventually I just up and started walking, because clearly I thought crawling was a waste of my time until I could move in the proper manner…

This is also why I learned things like writing and reading way ahead of most of my classmates, because I could see others doing it, like my older brother, and I knew I was capable, so why waste time until someone was willing to teach me? My parents like to remind me that the only argument I ever got into with a teacher was in nursery school, when they wanted us to all scribble and draw for a time, and I refused because I wanted to practise my writing. They didn’t want me doing that because of how the other kids would react. They ended up calling my parents in because I wouldn’t back down.

I always feel like if my time is not spent learning something, doing something, talking to someone, working towards something or achieving something, it’s not time well spent. So as soon as the feeling of boredom creeps up, I don’t know what to do with myself.

A few years ago, I spent a solid six months without a single day entirely at home or free from activity of some sort, and I loved it. I reached a point where I actually didn’t know the last time I felt bored, and my friends looked at me like I was mad and probably ought to give myself some quiet days at home, but I disagreed completely. The stress brought on by doing things and having a busy schedule is nothing compared to the stress brought on by feeling like I’m not achieving anything.

Does that make me a prospective workaholic? Probably. I’m quite career-minded, always have been. I think as long as I’m not bored, I’ll be fine. But the idea of a 9-5, dreary office job that’s the same day in, day out is pretty frightening.



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